Some Of The Best Things Anybody's Ever Said

Page 25.

  1. Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.

    Mark Twain

  2. One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other.

    Jane Austen

  3. When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows.

    Frederike Ryder

  4. No good movie is too long and no bad movie is short enough.

    Roger Ebert

  5. On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good and not quite all the time.

    George Orwell

  6. Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone.

    John Maynard Keynes

  7. The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable.

    John Kenneth Galbraith

  8. Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

    Will Rogers

  9. If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

    Will Rogers

  10. We are all born naked and screaming and if you're lucky that sort of thing won't stop there.

    Anonymous

  11. The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.

    Arthur C. Clarke

  12. You never really learn how to write a book, because every one is different.

    Richard Price

  13. You think, all these hundreds of thousands of parts were put together by the lowest bidder.

    Wally Schirra, when asked by Walter Cronkite what he was thinking as he sat atop the 95-foot-high Atlas rocket on the Cape Canaveral launching pad

  14. The one function that TV news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if there were.

    David Brinkley

  15. We should all celebrate [Easter] with some kind of all-brain feast. It's what Zombie Jesus would do.

    nineoclock

  16. Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.

    Ogden Nash

  17. Getting fired in the music business is fascinating because up until the moment you're being escorted out of the building you're pretty sure you're getting a promotion.

    Dan Kennedy

  18. Sometimes you get your best light from a burning bridge.

    Don Henley

  19. Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else.

    James M. Barrie

  20. When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.

    Henry J. Kaiser

  21. In the business of racing, the only way to become a millionaire is to start out as a multi-millionaire.

    Anon

  22. The most dangerous strategy is to jump a chasm in two leaps.

    Benjamin Disraeli

  23. The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.

    Woody Allen

  24. My fan mail is enormous. Everyone is under 6.

    Alexander Calder

  25. He couldn't ad-lib a fart after a baked-bean dinner.

    Johnny Carson

  26. Politics is just show business for ugly people.

    Jay Leno

  27. The secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

    Alice Roosevelt Longworth

  28. If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

    Anonymous

  29. A chrysanthemum by any other name would be much easier to spell.

    Anonymous

  30. Happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product.

    Eleanor Roosevelt

  31. If I begin to procrastinate today instead of tomorrow, would that be considered self-improvement?

    Anonymous

  32. Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't.

    Margaret Thatcher

  33. They say dollar bills carry germs on them. Even a germ couldn't live on a dollar these days.

    Anonymous

  34. I'm Not Lying, I'm Telling a Future Truth. Really.

    NY Times article headline 05.06.08

  35. The large print giveth, and the small print taketh away.

    Tom Waits

  36. The secret of being boring is to say everything.

    Voltaire

  37. In a museum in Havana there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus -- 'one when he was a boy and one when he was a man.'

    Mark Twain

  38. To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of whom are absent.

    Robert Copeland

  39. Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

    Douglas Adams

  40. If you rest, you rust.

    Helen Hayes

  41. Some people think they are worth a lot of money just because they have it.

    Fannie Hurst

  42. If you really believe that death brings eternal bliss then why are you wearing a seat belt?

    Doug Stanhope

  43. Anyone who isn't confused really doesn't understand the situation.

    Edward R. Murrow

  44. My friend Steve is an atheist. He has a bumper sticker that says, "Honk if you love Jesus". When someone honks he gives them the finger.

    Anon

  45. A happy childhood...is the worst possible preparation for life.

    Kinky Friedman

  46. People never lie so much as before an election, during a war, or after a hunt.

    Otto von Bismarck

  47. The world today doesn't make sense, so why should I paint pictures that do?

    Pablo Picasso

  48. I have never been lost, but I will admit to being confused for several weeks.

    Daniel Boone

  49. It may be true that you can't fool all the people all the time, but you can fool enough of them to rule a large country.

    Will Durant

  50. We always want the best man to win an election. Unfortunately, he never runs.

    Will Rogers

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